When she woke up next morning, the weather was as stormy as her thoughts, dark, deep and beating on the rooftop. It meant no work. The shop had to be kept shut. She would use this time to spend it with Disha. Lately she had been neglecting her. They could get that fireplace started and play in front of that. She would read for her. She thought to read for herself too. Long time she had a book to its completion. There had been simply no time for herself. She had loved books so much but for the past three years, there had been other priorities. Her books still lay packed in those boxes. She had not spared those a single thought until today. May be it was a good omen. She stretched and got up. After brushing her teeth, she came back and checked Disha who was sleeping through this entire storm. She was glad about this time to herself. Tara would be out of bed. No matter how late she was for bed, Tara always got up early, was always awake before Gemma.
During or after dinner last night, she had not spoken to Tara, choosing to ignore her. Tara too had studiously avoided speaking to her about anything other than food. Disha had sensed the tension between them and had been restless. However, as kids are, she had fallen asleep promptly after Gemma carried her to bed.
Tara got her tea in bed, sat down with her. It was not something Tara usually did.
‘Terrible day,” she said, ‘you stay home today. It was a statement not a question.
‘Yes, I will, with you and Dish. We will just relax, ‘she sad sipping her tea.
Tara snorted,’ rest?’ with you two at home?’ forget it! However, I will like the company. It gets too much to be alone the whole day long with you too at the shop.
That was an exaggeration. Disha stayed home most days. Nevertheless, she let it pass, smiling a little. Tara was pleased that they were back on easy rapport with each other. She let Tara fuss over her and Disha. Her heart welled with affection for this woman who had been an anchor to her in her time of need. She also was aware that Tara had not done anything out of sense of duty but genuine love for them both. Without Tara, she would have been able to manage her own life, let alone Disha. Out of an impulse, Gemma got up and hugged her. Tara was pleased, returning her hug.
‘Tara, do you have time?’ she aked tentatively.
“Why, yes, I do.’
‘I would like to show you something.’
For the first time in three years, Gemma had asked something like this. Tara was intrigued. Saying nothing, she sat down on the chair next to the bed. Disha did not stir at all. Gemma got out a big packet out of her bureau. She had seldom opened it before this. Always keeping it locked although the key was never hidden out of sight. With care, she took out photographs. Tara was amazed. Never before, Gemma had looked t those pictures, let alone ask her to.
She picked on the top. It was a photo of a woman, an older version of Gemma in a Sari. She looked serene with greying hair and smiling face.
“My mother. I took it just before I came here. She did not I was going to leave her the next day. She still does not know why I had to get away. Hope she is well. I miss her. Sometimes I feel her calling out to me. I know she would have loved Disha but I did not give her the opportunity. She is not aware of her existence.’
Tara was jolted out with that admission. Although he was curious but she stopped herself from asking anything, further. She decided to listen. Gemma went about looking at other photographs without volunteering anything else. She did show her pictures of her two brothers, both older and another picture of her younger sister. There were many pictures of children to which she mentioned being her nephews and nieces. She said that they must have grown by now. Tara observed that Dish did not resemble any one of her family. When she asked that, Gamma just nodded saying nothing. Tara was most curious to know about Disha’s father but none was forthcoming. She did not press. She had always assumed that Disha had been born out of wedlock and Gemma had to leave everyone behind to bring up Disha. Not letting the stigma of her daughter’s illegitimacy touching anyone of her family.
Both were lost in their thoughts. Disha woke up and found both women fussing over her. The next hour was spent getting Disha ready for the day. After leaving her in Tara’s care, Gemma went about getting a bath. She took her own time, as she did not have to hurry to open the shop. She felt light headed after a long time. Looking at those photographs had released those blocked emotions. She felt ready to face the world yet again.
She had spent all her passion hankering after something she could never have. Now was to time to put it all behind and plan for Disha’s future. It could not be ignore any longer.
She dressed in her oldest pair of Jeans and a faded shirt with a shawl thrown in on the top. She Walked to the kitchen and found Disha throwing food all over the kitchen, Tara looking her with exasperation,
‘Princess, why aren’t you eating?’ She asked.
‘I want chowmein’
‘So early in the morning? You have cornflakes now. We will see about that chowmein latter.’
‘I want now.’
‘No way. Mornings are for healthy meals. See I will have corn flakes with you today, ok?’
As she seldom had anything other than a cup of tea, Tara was surprised. She got her a bowl, poured warm milk adding sugar and brought the corn flakes putting a handful into the milk.
Disha mutinously watched her mother eat the corn flakes and slowly started to ea hers. Tara too sat down to have a cup of tea sighing audibly.
After finishing breakfast, Tara got up, picked up the dishes and washed those. Tara protested but the deed was already done. Pouring herself a cup of tea, she along with Disha got to the living room. The both a lit a fire and sat down in the rug in front. Disha got her crayons and books out. Gemma read her a few stories, pausing in between to explain the pictures. Disha got out her drawing book and with her crayon started to draw a family.
When Gemma looked at it after a while, she was surprised to find two women, a little girl and a faceless man in that picture.
Before she could ask, Disha piped in, ’that is my dad. Nico says (Nico was their neighbours 5 year old boy) everyone has a daddy. As I have not seen mine, I suppose I ca not draw his face. When you show me my dad, I will draw his face. Where is my daddy, momma?’
Finally, that question was here which she had expected and feared the most. She had closed her mind to it. She had known too that she could not keep it that way forever. Disha needed to know. But now? Who decides the timing? How does one do that? The world, which had become a little rosy, was bleak again. The ongoing storm did nothing to the sinking feeling.
In answer to her question, I hugged her closer and said, ’would you like to watch cartoons?’
She is forgot all about her conversations and jumped gleefully. Gemma seldom allowed her to watch TV. Therefore, it was a treat for her. They sat down on the couch, switched on the TV and settled down to watch the antics of Tom and Jerry. Well, Disha did. Gemma was watching it all unseeingly. The pang she had felt returned manifold. Her mind grew restive.
Disha was not going to leave it at that. Her questions would come again and persist. Once a child became inquisitive, there was no stopping her. Disha was very bright. She was always asking questions and seeking answers. Gemma was proud of her daughter and never stopped her from asking questions until today. She answered all her queries as best as best as she could until today. Today she had deliberately avoided answering and was not proud of the fact. She wanted to be a good mother. Se wanted to set a good example for her.
All this while Tara had been busy doing household chores. Gemma had not given her much thought. Now she found Tara holding that drawing and looking at it with deep concentration. She was thrilled that she had been included in that family photo but was sad for Gemma. She knew that Disha would now ask questions about her non-existent daddy. It was going to be tough for all of them. Tara did not know a thing about Gemma’s past. In a way, she was relieved. However, Gemma was going to be affected by it. How, Tara did not know. Gemma had kept that part closed within her heart. She had only barely existed. Oh, she was passionately involved with the crafts of that area and loved her daughter with all her being. Nevertheless, one look at her, anyone could predict something important was missing in her life.
Rest of the day was sombre for all of them. Disha sensed the mood and was quiet, playing with her dolls. Tara went on baking batches of cookies they did not need. Gemma went around checking her accounts calculating her finances. If she needed to get away, she ha to make sure, all three should not starve. For those initial months, they needed a tidy sum. Tara somehow sensed that. She too was mentally calculating her finances. Gemma paid her every month. She had protested too saying that she did not need it as she was staying wit them. She had no needs for herself. She was all alone. However, Gemma had brushed that aside, had opened a bank account and put a certain amount of money in her account. Tara had hardly touched it. She only withdrew money from it when she bought gifts for Disha and Gemma. If not or her, Gemma would have gone without a single initially. Now the village women got her gifts in the form of handicrafts, food and other knick-knacks needed to run the household. Personal gifts were only given by Tara. Gemma was always happy to get something from her.
(1803 words)
Filed under: Novel excerpt | Tagged: nanowrimo, Novel excerpt
